Living with HIV
At the age of 19 I was diagnosed H.I.V. positive. I was obviously shattered by this news and scared at the prospect of only having 10 to 15 years to live. Rather daunting as you can imagine. I was very lucky to have a strong relationship with my family, who I could not have managed without.
As a heterosexual woman, and not the stereotypical gay man or drug-user, I found that many people were shocked by my news. It is amazing how many people still regard it as a gay disease that will not affect them or their children. This is just not true and it concerns me greatly that this is such a widespread belief.
At the time of diagnosis I was informed that my immune system was very low, explaining my bad health over the previous four years. I was advised to start combination therapy immediately, which in itself was an extremely big decision. The medication is to be taken very seriously as a strict regime is crucial - failure to stick to exact times and doses only leads to becoming resistant to the drugs.
I had to be ready to dedicate myself fully. To be sure I was, I chose to wait until that time came. After six months I felt that I had absorbed my fate and was ready to commit.
The medication poses it's own set of problems, various side effects that are not fully understood - from sickness, weight loss, tiredness to liver failure. These seemed greater than any symptoms I had already experienced. I have now been on medication for two and a half years. It has proved very successful. My immune system is higher now than it has been for years. I actually feel strong again.
The effect on my ever-day life is vast, no longer able to be carefree. It has brought about a certain awareness that I cannot ignore. Hospital appointments and counselling are now part of my every-day life, which can be rather restricting at times. I also have to be strict with myself with maintaining a stress free and healthy lifestyle. This can be hard work and I find that H.I.V. has become a large part of me.
Now I have met many other women in my situation. I was shocked to find out that my honesty about my condition is rare. Due to this I chose to turn a negative situation to a positive one and felt that trying to share my experience with young people may benefit them.
I may have used protection if I had met someone I could relate to in my predicament. All I can do is to try to raise awareness and share my own feelings. I didn't use protection mainly due to embarrassment - as a young woman, sleeping with men generally older, I was inexperienced and too nervous to insist. This is such a stupid reason to end up with H.I.V. and if I can help only one person, I have achieved my goal. Believe me, it is much more embarrassing now having to slip in the fact that I'm positive to any potential lovers.
All I can say is be safe. You can never tell who is infected and they may not know themselves. Be responsible for yourself and if you are worried about possible infection GET TESTED. It may be scary but knowledge is power. Stay in control of your own life. Don't fool yourself that it can't happen to you - that's what I thought! It is better to be safe than sorry, believe me.
Adullam service user.
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Living with HIV
